It was Such a Great Story

My father was an avid storyteller and his yarns were so animated and expressive that he could turn an ordinary event into something exciting. However, he was not above spicing up his stories with a little exaggeration, which was the case at a church supper where he was telling one to our pastor. The pastor would occasionally say, “Amazing, quite amazing!”

My father later asked, “Reverend Jones, you must speak with a variety of folks. Tell me, how do you react when you’re sure someone is really ‘shooting the bull’?”

“Well,” said the pastor, “I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I usually just say, ‘That’s amazing, quite amazing.'”

The Preacher and the Atheist

Atheist: “Do you honestly believe that Jonah spent three days and nights in the belly of a whale?”

Preacher: “I don’t know, sir, but when I get to heaven, I’ll ask him.”

Atheist: “But suppose he isn’t in Heaven?”

Preacher: “Then you ask him!”

The Modern Church

Churches have all sorts of new services, today.  Now they have a “dial-a-prayer” service for atheists. You dial the number, but nobody answers.

It was a very hot day.

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.

Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they’d left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.

After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

The New Pastor Came Knocking.

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20 ” and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation “Genesis 3:10”.

Revelation 3:20 reads: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.”

Genesis 3:10 reads: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”

Then he died.

George had been a faithful Christian for most of his 80 years. Now he was in the hospital, near death and the family called their pastor to stand with them. 

As the pastor stood next to the bed, George’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.  The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and George used his last bit of energy to scribble a note . . . then he died.  

The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that sad time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing his sermon, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when George had died.  He said, “You know, old George handed me a note just before he died.  I haven’t looked at it, but knowing George, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.”  

He opened the note, and read, “Move over, you’re standing on my oxygen tube!”

A hole-in-one.

A pastor decided to skip church on Sunday morning and go play golf, so he told his assistant to give the day’s sermon, since he wasn’t feeling well.

He drove to a golf course in another city, where no one would recognize him, then teed-off on the first hole.

A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards, and dropped it right into the hole, for a 450 yard hole-in-one.

An angel looked at God and said, “What did you do that for?”

God smiled and said, “Who’s he going to tell?”


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